I have been....so inactive on here.

And dear gods, I now hate myself for it.

Last January, some of you might remember, I came back form a quite long hiatus. I'd had a few computer and Internet issues, but I was back and ready to go. Ready to reconnect with old friends, ready to post all the art I'd done...stuff like that.

Or...so I thought. About a month after I returned, I stopped using DA and MSN for months.For about six months, in fact; I just checked my computer's calendar.

The few of you who really care might ask: why? Why this second long hiatus?

To which I'd have to answer...who the hell knows?

At first, it was computer problems again. My laptop's display suddenly stopped working like it should have, and I had to use my girlfriend's computer almost all the time -- which cut down my Internet time by a lot. She and I both needed it for college-related work, so I couldn't hog it all the time.

But at the beginning of summer, that was fixed. Dell came and repaired my computer, and that's when I should have started using DA and talking to certain friends again. I should have, but for reasons even I can't place, I didn't.

Or...was there ever really a reason? As I'm sitting here trying to force myself to come up with one, I really can't. There was absolutely no reason I should have stopped getting on to talk with my friends, absolutely no reason to stop posting art here.

The only thing I can think of? Shame. Shame at having let down people once more by not getting on for months. And the only thing I could think of to do was to ignore it even further, and to run away. But...that's never going to solve anything. I can't just ignore my failure to get on and talk to people I considered good friends, which is really the most important thing here (and the one I feel the most shame about).

The short of it all? There are some people -- important people -- I would like to reconnect with. And though, as another friend put it, I've grown apart from DA as a whole, I would still like to post my art here and be an active member. I mean, why not? I have a working laptop, I have steady Internet access, and now, I have time -- so why not return to the site I first posted artwork on, five years ago?

And why not try to befriend those I care about again? I feel sick when I think about how I've ignored these people, and for no reason.

So now? That's going to change. You may not believe me when I say I'm back, and that's okay. I'd understand, since I said the same thing once before and it proved false.

But I definitely intend to be back for good.

(If you think this sounds melodramatic, STFU and let me pretend this is LiveJournal, 'kay? XD)